The Cost of Staying Where You Are
“Things are not actually that bad. I have a solid pay cheque and a job, that’s more than what others can say right now.
And, what if I quit and find out there’s nothing for me out there, or my idea totally flops? I don’t have any time to put into creating something new, I’m overwhelmed as it is. And, what if I fail, what will other’s think of me – I have a reputation in this industry that I’ve worked really hard for. And anyway, it’s too financially risky out there right now.”
I hear this often in the work I do. Women confide in me and share how unhappy they are in their jobs and how they wish they could be doing something more meaningful. Some share how they don’t feel aligned with the company they work for anymore and the direction their leadership is going. And most of them tell me how they have this dream of eventually working for themselves.
When I ask them, ‘what’s stopping you from taking the leap now?’, they respond with something similar to the anecdote above, ‘well, things are not actually that bad…’
This is a common pattern that I see. People weigh the risk of leaping – money, time, failure, judgment – but almost never tally the cost of not leaping. As a way to protect themselves and avoid their biggest fears, they focus on what could go wrong and convince themselves that staying where they are is safer. This is a normal human thing and a normal response to change.
However, if you want to create positive change in your life, you have to see it differently. If you want to create change in your life, you first have to see the cost of staying where you are. Until you do this, you’ll continue to convince yourself that not changing is the safer and better option.
Concrete Costs of Staying Where You Are
So what does staying actually cost you? Let’s be honest with ourselves and unpack it.
Energy
How does it affect your energy to keep suppressing your idea, your dream or the truth of what you really feel, day after day? For most people, they start to feel less engaged in their work and less inspired when thinking about the week ahead. Their work drains their energy, rather than gives them energy. Over time, this can start to lead to early signs of burnout and general unhappiness.
Time
Think about the years that pass while waiting to feel ready. How much time have you allowed to go by, wanting something different and not truly engaged or present with what you’re doing now? Most people think they have time. But the truth is we don’t. Anything can happen tomorrow, and your life could be considerably altered. How much more time will you waste waiting for things to ‘feel’ right or to have more certainty or clarity? Time won’t wait for you by the way, even though you’re secretly hoping it will.
Identity
There is a quiet erosion of confidence when you keep choosing safety over truth. Every time we choose to ignore what we truly want and push those thoughts down, we abandon ourselves just a little bit. We might have feelings of not feeling aligned anymore with the work we do or the organization we work inside. Those are our values and that’s our identity shifting and evolving. When we ignore these feelings, we start to move away from ourselves – which over time erodes confidence, self -awareness and self-connection.
Opportunity
What doesn’t get built or created because you stayed put? There is work that only you can do with your specialized experience, knowledge and expertise. There’s a meaningful impact only you can make, but none of that will happen with you staying where you are. People often don’t see the opportunities passing them by while they hide out and stay small (and safe) in their lives.
Staying Is the Riskier Choice
Most people think of “staying” as the safe choice and “leaping” as the risky one. But the truth is that staying has its own risk, it’s just quieter and slower, so it’s easier to ignore.
The risk of staying when we truly want something else, is the slow erosion of ourselves. The erosion of our energy, our confidence, our time and our identity. This can be over a matter of months or years. The longer we delay change that internally we yearn for, the more distance we create between who we are and who we think we need to be. This can be incredibly costly as we get older, for our mental health, for our families and for others around us in our lives.
The risk of staying and delaying more time, means that we’re actually wasting precious time -time we won’t get back. We’re wasting valuable time that we could be using to create, build, collaborate and make an impact. We’re wasting the time need to create clarity, strategy and plans so we can be successful.
When you pivot and look at risk from the other direction, staying where you are is by far the riskier choice. And the more costly one too.
You Have Agency
The goal here isn’t “you should feel bad for staying”. I understand intimately the reasons why it’s hard to pivot our careers and create significant change in our lives. I’ve been there, I changed my career at the age of 40, as a newly divorced single mom of a 3-year-old. I understand the fears and doubts that come up when thinking of doing something different and feeling like you’re stuck.
But, you have agency. You have more agency in your life than you think. It might mean walking away from certain things or people. It might mean risking relationships or having people disappointed with your choice. It might mean standing on your own for a bit until you find your footing.
You get to choose. But choose consciously. Don’t choose for safety, don’t choose for validation or acknowledgment. Don’t choose because it’s the easier path. Choose consciously from your values and principles. Choose from who you want to be on the other side of this, the version of yourself that’s most aligned and fulfilled that you will feel most proud of in the future.
Being Ready to Start Building
Readiness isn’t something that arrives before you start. It’s something you build by starting. I didn’t feel ready at 40, starting over. I just started.
So here’s the question worth sitting with: what is staying where you are actually costing you? Not hypothetically – specifically. Your energy. Your time. The version of yourself you’re slowly moving away from.
If you’re ready to stop tallying the cost of staying and start building the thing you keep circling back to, that’s exactly the work I do with women and what the Idea to Impact program is built for.
You don’t have to cross the bridge alone. While you find your clarity, define your identity, build your strategy and grow your confidence, choose to have a guide and a community walking it with you – not waiting for you on the other side.